SAN JOSE, CA- The Holy Ghost, one of the three members of the Godhead, apparently told 38-year old Lisa Brunach, of the Stonehouse 5th Ward in San Jose, to go up to the podium and ramble about her family for ten minutes during the congregation’s monthly fast and testimony meeting this past November.
In what appears to be a more commonly-seen occurrence in the modern church, the Holy Ghost often tells members to go up and give everything but a testimony. The case of Brunach, however, was especially notable for the sheer amount of superfluous information she was inspired to give.
Sources from Stonehouse 5th Ward report that Brunach, an exasperatingly happily-married mother of four daughters, went up to the podium early in the meeting, and remained there rambling for 9-12 minutes.
Mildred Musgrave, grandmother of many, witnessed the event.
“I recall Sister Brunach talking a lot about her daughters- Trista, Tammy, Teri, and Tabitha. That’s so cute their names all start with the same letter. I think she might have even mentioned that when she was up there,” said Musgrave.
14 of the roughly 75 witnesses of the “testimony” were interviewed, and none recall hearing Brunach say anything about the eternal truths she knows to be true.
“She didn’t say ‘I know’ at all,” said Robert Nichelson, 41. “But she did say ‘I’m grateful for’ a lot. She mentioned her husband and how they met, she talked about potty-training Teri, and I think she alluded to the time she was on her mission and she dreamed about having a family. But not a whole lot else.”
Church authorities are baffled at the recent string of similar incidents apparently brought about by the Holy Ghost, who is supposed to impart knowledge to those receptive to his still, small voice.
“It’s unclear why this has been happening so often,” said Andrew DeWitt, 2nd counselor in the Stonehouse 5th Bishopric. “Perhaps the Holy Ghost has realized that bearing one’s real testimony is a horrible, frightening thing, just setting people up for humiliation and ridicule. If they instead feel compelled to just ramble randomly, maybe others won’t point and laugh at them as they come back down to their seat.”
Brunach was available for comment, but The Mormonion didn’t really feel like interviewing her.