Monday, May 27, 2013

City Creek Mall gives Utahns a true Zion experience

SALT LAKE CITY, UT- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is seeing a major influx of new investigators and converts lately, the cause of which, experts assert, can mostly be traced to the City Creek Mall renovation project in downtown Salt Lake.

The LDS Church invested heavily in the construction of the mall, and is beginning to see its efforts coming to full fruition. "Zion is truly here," gushed Andy Donaker, who works in the Church's Public Relations Department.

"We learn from the scriptures that Zion is based upon three economic ideas," Donaker explained. "Prosperity, equality, and luxury."

"It's clear from observing the average person who goes to the mall that prosperity is not a problem at all within the doors of this place. I can't tell you how many wealthy people come here and drop thousands on designer furniture and stunning jewelry.

"Equality has come as well," he said. "No longer are hobos nearby, polluting the streets with their begging and odor. Everyone who shops at City Creek or frequents the area around it is well-off. Everybody's on equal ground here.

"And luxury," he added, "is what you get when you combine prosperity and equality. Or in mathematical terms, wealth plus no hobos equals fine living. Just like Zion."

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